Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Back yet so far gone ...

I swear it feels as though life never fails. Its almost like it plays a game with you just to see how you will react, like what is your next move gonna be. At one point im at a good point in my life it feels like. From new success to new people who really put a smile on my face. Then next thing you know for some reason that smile is erased with nothing but headache. This rollercoaster isn't one that im screaming to the top of my lungs with excitement. Right now im trying to find some for sure stability for myself. It's like when I get so close something comes up or I just get this feeling like it was all a joke. Feeling this way can't be positive and it can't be constructive to any extent. Everyday I wake up I try to look at the sunny side of things like "maybe yesterday wasn't that bad" instead of saying today will be great. Lately, and I do say lately I wouldn't even lie to myself by saying that it will. My todays have been reflections of yesterday and its almost like im screaming for a better tommorow. It's hard though, because people are the main reason that put you in a position like this. Resulting to hours of solitary time to get me back. By saying "me" I mean the person I know I was born to be. Staring 22 - years old in the face and the state of mind I go in and out of is really messing with me. It feels like to love is to work for it, to be happy is a joke and to find honesty in friendship is non-exsistent. Lately, ive resulted to prayer more to ease the stress and at times it feels like God is trying to tell me something but im just not seeing it. Hopefully I will.

No comments: